Modern Religious Experience: Reflection #4: Buddhist Meditation: "Spend 20 mintues in a silent meditation; a place you won't be disturbed, your own 'fig tree' as was Buddha's inspiration. In those 20 mintue..."
As I was walking up to my attic to meditate in my own "fig tree," My mind was already full of thoughts, "How will I survive 20 minutes without doing ANYTHING...How am I going to sit still..Will I do this correctly?" Because I am someone who cannot stay still with complete silence, I wasn't sure if I could meditate correctly. Before I officially started my meditation, I told myself, "You are not going to think about anything. Just focus on your breathing and have a positive mind set." This time, I wanted to go through at least 5% of what Buddha had; because in class, I wasn't fully devoted into meditating because my surroundings distracted me. I sat down on the floor and crossed my legs, then closed my eyes and slowly breathed in and then out. As I kept repeating this, I thought to myself what are some positive or right thoughts. I thought about my family, and what I could do better to help them. Then I started to go into a different stream of thought. I noticed how I was losing my concentration already. It felt like it was only 4 minutes into my meditation and I was thinking about what I am going to do after this. I kept reminding myself, "NO, concentrate." However, I lacked the ability to control my mind. Time to time during my meditation, I kept thinking about other things, and even day dreamed. After trying to meditate for just 20 minutes, nothing compared to Buddha's I thought I was going to die from boredom. I have never experienced a time where I had to think about nothing, and just right thought, mind, and concentration. This meditation inspired me to try to sacrifice something of myself when I have to.
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